


Ineligible

by AHS



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Brian pov, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-28
Updated: 2009-10-28
Packaged: 2017-10-12 21:38:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHS/pseuds/AHS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian pov, 121.  Not quite a gapfiller.  Just some thinking about Justin :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ineligible

Another fucking awards banquet. I've earned the accolades, and I'll take them gladly, but these events, despite the good booze, are so much bullshit.

But I grit my teeth and smile. Wade my way through and find opportunity knocking. And you better believe I answer the door. New York is New _fucking_ York.

I was made for New York, and this is what I've been working towards, and there's no downside worth thinking about. Certainly not…

Justin.

He'll be fine when I tell him. Might cry a little, but he's pretty tough beneath the tears. And even if he blubbers and begs and holds on to me and refuses to let go…

Won't affect me.

Coming from a room full of people clutching shining validation, I have a stupid thought of giving him one of those stupid little fake trophies. One of those "Best _Fill-in-the-blank_ Ever" trophies, like that would keep him from being upset.

What the fuck could it even say? Best Teen Stalker? Jailbait of the Year? Best… Fuck Apprentice??

If I admit it to myself, though, he has won a number of distinctions with me.

First repeat trick. Sure, there's probably been a handful of guys I fucked twice, but I have no idea how many times I've fucked Justin by now. A lot. (No doubt he knows the exact number.)

First trick… probably the first I had an actual conversation with. Beyond variations on the classic "I'm going to fuck you"/"Fuck me" exchange, followed by shout-outs to their deities.

First trick to… Christ… _live_ with me. First to have his own box of crappy sugary cereal in my kitchen cabinet.

First trick I ate dinner with. Dinner he made. And by fucking candlelight.

First trick to hang out with my friends. Become… one of them.

Sure as hell the first and only to baby-sit my son. Pick his goddamn name. _(No downside. Don't think about Gus.)_

I guess, probably… definitely… first trick I fucked with whom there was ever the slightest chance I'd come first.

First trick I ever thought might be giving me as much pleasure as I was giving him. Then made me want to give more. First trick whose pleasure I ever gave a damn about, _really_. I can fuck on total autopilot and still know I'll retain my reputation as the best fuck any guy's ever had. But with Justin…

Whatever. That's not gonna fit on a trophy. And the ridiculous smile I know it would put on his face would _almost_ be enough to make me try.

But none of those awards are his to keep, anyway. He's fucking ineligible.

Yeah, I know. Because Justin's not a trick. Turns out he never was.

He fucking knows it, too. Which means he will cry… Shit.

He also knows just how little he should expect of me. Well, chalk this up as one last lesson learned from the master.

Eyes on the prize, Kinney. New York is your destination. Has been since you were old enough to realize where you lived was called _The Pitts_. No getting distracted by some kid who thinks you're his destiny.

Even some really beautiful kid.

Eyes on the…… prize.


End file.
